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2011-08-22T16:05:00.001-04:00

Trailer for Author Darnell R. Mckinnon's writing blog from D.Mckinnon on Vimeo.

Avoiding Nonchalant Mates

2011-03-31T08:56:00.012-04:00

Ah! It feels good to be back blogging. I took about 2 weeks off after I finished the marriage material series. I had other business to attend to. But now I am back. It's interesting, because recently I was having a discussion with a woman and she asked me if I write to inform people that are unaware or do I do it for everyone. My response was that I write to inform people that may not be aware. One thing about writing is it's free, in reference to freedom of speech. I believe when people critique writers on writing material that they already heard; it's kind of a dis to the writer. I'm a strong believer that no idea is original, so most things that you read will be regurgitated material, especially if you're a well informed individual. To be specific, a lot of the current self-help books stem from books such as "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz, "Think and grow rich" by Napoleon Hill and "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. However, since everyone has not read those books, other writers come out with similar material to "share" with and educate their reader base. I believe as writers, it's not our job to invent new ideas and be all exclusive with material every time we write. Our goal is to affect, inform, and share information with people, whether it's 3 or 3,000,000 people. So, if you're already informed on the things that I discuss in my books and blog, props to you. However, keep an open mind because you still may learn something new. Like I always said, if I know something that can benefit others, I am going to get it off of my chest and share it the best way that I can; writing.

Nonchalant

I'm guilty of this and I'm quite sure that you may be guilty of it as well. We all may have been nonchalant towards someone at some point in our lives. People that follow my blog should know that I believe that the blueprint to having a successful relationship is finding a mate that you can build with towards a common goal. In dating, one type of person that you should avoid when it comes to finding a mate to build with is someone that displays nonchalant behavior in reference to you. Nonchalant is a sign of someone having a lack of investment in you. Whether that investment is passion, attraction, interest, desire, or love. When a person is nonchalant towards you, it should instantly raise a flag in your mind. Now if you just met someone, they may come off as being nonchalant towards you because they don't know you that well and it takes time for most people to open up to others emotionally. They usually have to build some form of trust first. But, if that person continues to display nonchalant behavior towards you after weeks have went by, then you should be very alarmed.

The unfortunate thing with some human beings is that they tend to be attracted to those that display nonchalant behavior towards them. The more they ignore you, the more you desire them. If they show you that they're not really interested in you it touches you somewhere inside to the point that you're willing to do anything to garner their full interest. More than likely it won't happen. This is how people get used in relationships. They deal with people that have no equal interest in them and therefore they're constantly chasing that person's affection, love, and interest by constantly providing sex, purchasing gifts, or doing favors for them without receiving anything in return.

As stated above, when someone is nonchalant towards you, it's usually because of a lack of investment. Some people are not over their ex mate and therefore they can't fully invest their positive emotional energy such as love and passion because some of that energy still is directed towards their feelings for their ex. The lack of positive energy being invested can also be caused by that person dating other people while dating you, so therefore they lack an investment of interest in you. For some, they may not be attracted to you whether it's physically, mentally, or both, so therefore they lack an investment of attraction and desire for you. While others are waiting for you to invest more in them than they're willing to invest in you. One problem with relationships these days is that men and women no longer desire to invest in each other equally. Some women want a "sponsor" and a hero and some men want a "groupie" or slave. You cannot build towards a common goal if the two of you are not equally investing the same amount of love, energy, desire, interest, and determination to reach that goal, unless that goal is breaking up.

When you're thinking of things that you desire in a mate, make sure that you think of a mate that possess empathy towards you. Make sure you share the same characteristic. If not, building towards a successful relationship will be a waste of your time. If someone is nonchalant towards you after the two of you have gotten to know each other, cancel them as relationship potential. It's nearly impossible to build if both partners aren't equally investing.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 4)- Are You Responsible?

2011-03-09T13:31:00.018-05:00

What's up people? I took a little time off from Part 3 of the "Wife Material 101" series and even did some blogs in between, but now I'm back. I want to address a couple of things before I get into Part 4. One, my writing is not for everyone. I don't expect everyone to like or agree with what I write. Everyone is not going to like my views and opinions on certain topics. I don't mind people opposing what I write either, because that's part of being a writer. It doesn't make them wrong nor does it make me wrong. As stated in a previous blog, we all come from different backgrounds and environments so we share different opinions on different topics. The next thing that I want to address is the question of why I don't write about husband material. Well my reason is because men are the ones that choose a woman to be their wife, not the other way around. Sure a woman chooses which man she wants to date and of course she has to say "yes" to him for a marriage to take place. But, the man has to pop the question. Well at least he should.

Wife Material 101 (Part 4)

Are You Responsible?

That's right! One major thing that men look for in women is responsibility. "Is she responsible?" Women that are responsible are like magnets to men. The word responsible stretches a long way, but I am mainly referring to having stability and consistency with your decision making. Part One of the series comes back into play here, because in Part One I discussed how a woman's past relationships are her resume. If you weren't responsible in your past, some guys may see it as a negative, but some may see that you have potential despite your previous mishaps, depending on if you've changed and the woman that you currently are. When it comes to responsibility, women are either going to be a asset or a liability. If you're not responsible, you're not going to be viewed by men as an asset. Although some men may downplay how responsible a woman is; it's very important.

Are you responsible in reference to finances?

Men are very aware that most women love to shop. We don't have an issue with women that love to shop. However, we do have an issue with women that love to shop with the money that was meant for bills and other important expenses. Being able to handle money the correct way is very important. You will either diffuse or ignite a lot of potential arguments and debates with your mate by being responsible with money.

Are you responsible in reference to having a family?

In today's society, some men decide to have children purposely with women that they don't desire, nor see themselves being in a relationship with. To each it's own. But I'm not referring to those men in this post. Some women already have kids. Some people may look at it as a negative for those women, but it's actually a positive for some. If a woman already has a kid(s), and she takes care of herself well physically and mentally, as well her kid(s), she'll be viewed as responsible, which is part of being viewed as wife material. If she doesn't take good care of herself or her child, she'll be looked at as irresponsible. There are a lot of single parent women who attract men because of how responsible they are in reference to themselves and their kid(s).

Some men prefer women that don't have any kids. They want to start off their family fresh and share their kid(s) with one woman. These men are paying attention to how a woman behaves around other kids, how well she takes care of herself physically and mentally, if she takes good care of her belongs, and if she's potential mother to be the mother of their future kid(s). These men want to know are you capable of being a good mother to their future offspring. If not, you will not be looked at as wife material by them. Most men has to see you as the potential mother of their child before they can see you being their wife.

Upkeep

How are your upkeep skills at home? Can you cook food that's not fast or microwaved? Do you know how to iron and wash clothes? Do you know how to clean your home? How responsible are you with maintaining a home? Times have changed in society and some roles have been reversed. Some people believe men should take care of the heavy duty work around the house and some believe women should take care of the light work such as cleaning, cooking, and other things of that nature. Some people believe that all task should be shared and alternated between both partners. Whatever your believe is, knowing how all of the above mentioned (questions) makes you more marketable to most men. I don't expect your husband to ask you to get on the roof and fix things around the house, but the more you're skilled home upkeep and the light duties, the better.

In the end, I could have made this series out to be a book. It's so much more to discuss when it comes to a woman being wife material. I have received a lot of feedback, positive and negative in reference to this series. I don't know the mindset of every man or woman, but one thing I do know is how the majority think. Some people told me that this blog series was useless because people aren't getting married anymore. I beg to differ for two reasons, the first is because it's a blog and it's free and the second is because I am seeing a lot of women that I know personally and through association getting engaged every day. Now unless these women are lying, then this blog series is valuable to some people out there. If a woman is currently engaged, but their mates are procrastinating with choosing a wedding date, I suppose this blog can and will come in handy for them. As stated, if you relate to it, enjoy it!

*Click here to read Part 3*

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The Microwave Mate

2011-02-23T17:24:00.009-05:00

Welcome back! I'm going to do Part 4 of the Wife Material 101 series after this blog post. I decided to do another blog in between Part's 3 and 4. But anyways, the Spring is right around the corner, well at least where I'm at it is. We are going to witness a lot of breakups and a lot of hookups. I remember I made a comment about Spring being the end of cuffing (relationship) season and some people reacted as if I was specifically referring to their relationship. Breakups after the Winter time happen every year; it's nothing new. This blog is for the people that may be considering being in a relationship right now or during the Spring. People always ask me why I don't write about being single instead of being in a relationship, and I respond by telling them that the solution for being happy and single is not as difficult to discover. I truly hope you get something out of this post, even if it's only a specimen. The Microwave Mate I know some of you probably read the title of the post and wondered what is it going to be about. Well, the title is strictly based on present society. A lot of people today thrive off of instant gratification. They want everything that involves them to be developed fast, whether it's food, growth, results, and even relationships. The term "The Microwave Mate" is referring to people that want their relationship with their present or future mate to develop faster than expected. The big issue is that expediting successful relationships rarely happens. The beginning of a relationship is pivotal. It is known by many as the "Honeymoon stage." The beginning of the relationship is also dangerous. I often tell people that most unsuccessful relationships were destroyed in the beginning and they look at me like I'm crazy. Some people consider the period prior to the relationship as the most important in the relationship, but it's not. Here's why the beginning is so important. The beginning of a relationship is a great feeling and high for most couples. This is the time when you hear couples stating how happy they are, how he or she is the one, and other things of that nature. In the beginning of the relationship, the stimulation and gratification is usually instant. Everything seems to click. Since things are usually going so well during the beginning of the relationship, both individuals sometimes let their guards down and raise their expectations. Nothings wrong with feeling good and being happy, but lowering your guard and raising expectations sometimes creates a problem that often sneaks into.... The stage after the Honeymoon period. Many couples do not survive past this point and part of the reason why is because the beginning of the relationship spoils them into expecting everything to still come very easy and instant in reference to the relationship. After the beginning of a relationship, smokescreens disappear and your mate's flaws become more obvious. You begin to see your mate for who they truly are. It becomes more difficult to achieve the "happy high" and gratification that was present in the beginning of the relationship. This is the time when couples expect the development of their relationship to be expedited and they simply expect too much out of their partner too fast. This also is when both individuals begin to compare their differences in wants, needs, and expectations. It often creates conflict between both individuals and arguments usually happen as a result of the conflict. You cannot avoid differences between two individuals because we all come from different upbringings, environments, and share different opinions. There will be trying times during the post-honeymoon stage. Your mate will reveal some characteristics that may be a turnoff to you. If you expect your mate to turn into your husband or wife directly after the beginning stage, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Post-honeymoon stage usually catches some people off guard, because they still expect things to progress quicker because of the high from the beginning of the relationship. They might begin to question the relationship, which eventually leads to ending it. When it comes to relationships, do not dwell on the instant gratification and highs that take place during the beginning. Instant gratification usually provides great stimulation on the front-end of things, but on the back-end that stimulation is not as satisfying. Your Mr./Mrs. Right is not going to become "that" overnight. Even couples that fall in love fast or get married fast have to grow and develop into Mr./Mrs. Right for each other. Any successful couple will tell you that their successful relationship is a result of hard work. The purpose of a relationship is to build and if you're building something, you're doing it because you at least expect it to last. People wouldn't invest their time in a relationship if they didn't want it to last. The best piece of advice that I can provide for people that are considering relationships is to keep in mind that a long-lasting prosperous relationship takes hard work and time to develop and grow. The word "work" and "grow" means the complete opposite of instant. Use the beginning of the relationship to establish and develop a plan for it, don't get too caught up in the "highs" because hard work will be needed shortly after. Darnell R. Mckinnon

If We (men) Don't Call on the Next Day or Two, it Does Not Mean We're Not Interested

2011-02-13T13:24:00.004-05:00

There are so many myths that are out there in the world of dating. One of the biggest myths is if a man doesn't call or contact a woman on the same or next day after receiving her contact info, he's not interested. That's a lie! Most of the men that I associate or have associated with have a rule. Actually the rule is common amongst most men. That rule is to not call or contact a woman on or the day after receiving her contact info. The reason is to protect us from looking desperate. Some women see may see that as stupid, but many of us men look at this as a possible deal breaker. You don't want to come off as desperate to a woman. Most guys like to wait at least 2-3 days before contacting a woman for the first time after the initial contact. There are some exceptions to the rule. Depending on circumstances, a man might contact a woman on the day that he received her contact info or the next day. If a woman asks a man to call on a specific date and time, if he's interested he'll contact her at the given time if he's available.

Women can miss out on a good man by believing that he's not interested if he doesn't contact her the same or next day after receiving her info. Ladies, just think of how many men you shoved to the side because they didn't call you the same or next day. I know some women personally that are very critical with this. If the guy doesn't contact them on the same day as receiving their contact info, he's canceled out.

Here's the conflict. When we initially approach a woman, we only have a few things to help us. 1.) Her looks (attraction) and 2.) The conversation that we had prior to receiving her contact info. In other words, we don't know you that well. Depending on the man, if he's the take care of business and goal driven type, his time may be preoccupied. Every man is not out being "Goldie the Pimp" in their spare time. That's also another myth. Just because a man is busy doesn't mean his time is occupied with another woman. There are some men that have hobbies, goals to accomplish, and other responsibilities that may occupy their time. Don't forget ladies, you're new to him and just like he has to prove that he's worth your time, you have to do the same for him.

Once he finally contacts you, do not have a bad attitude if he didn't call you within the first two days of receiving your contact information. That's a great way to miss out on a potentially good man.

Some women consider a man who contacts them within those first two days a turnoff. On the other hand, some consider him to be uninterested in her. The latter could be false. He may be applying the 2-3 day rule or he may just be occupied taking care of business. The "he'll make time for me if he's really interested" way of thinking is a set up. The two of you really haven't established anything for him to cancel other important events in his life for you. You are a woman that he barely knows anything about. You have to give us a little leeway ladies.

If a man doesn't contact you at all, that's how you'll know that he's not interested in you at all.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 3)

2011-02-09T17:58:00.012-05:00

Welcome back to the Wife Material 101 series. After Part 2, some women hit me up in my inbox on Facebook and stated that a woman has to get sleeping around with a lot of men out of her system before she gets married, similar to men. That's false in my opinion. Women have to get the desire for attention from different men out of their system, but sex is on another level. I'm sorry women, but it's a double standard. Some men have emailed me and stated that they don't care what a woman brings to the table, as long as she looks good. I even had some women email me and state that they know some men that have married women who had a rough history in reference to sex partners. I'm not speaking on the average Joe Blow or men with low standards. For the average man with no standards or appreciation of value, wife material equals great looks and ONLY great looks. I'm referring to men who have standards and that desire women with more elements than looking good and good sex.

In Part 2 of the series I left off at proving that being monogamous is something that a woman desires and have mastered. That's very important because no (smart) man wants to be married to a woman that's sleeping around with other men. In Part 3, I'm going to start off with "Attitude" and it's importance. Attitude is a definite deal maker or breaker and I'm going to explain why.

3.) Attitude

Attitude is vital because it will make or break a woman in reference to a man choosing her to be his wife goes. A woman with a positive attitude trumps a woman with a negative attitude ANY DAY. I don't care if a woman is Miss America, if she has a negative attitude most men that value themselves and their time will not stay around for long. It's true, as men we give women that have their stuff together (Looks, finances, intelligence) a pass. However, the pass will eventually expire if her attitude continues to be negative. We are talking marriage, so an expiring attitude will probably not lead a woman to marriage, and if it does it will lead her to divorce quickly.

I often hear some women state that they want a man that likes women with a little attitude. Let me explain, men like women with attitude, but not a combativeness. We have been tricked into believing that the word "attitude" means acting dramatic and combative, but it's really about your mental state. You don't have to be negative minded and edgy in order to have attitude. Displaying confidence with a positive mindset is having attitude. It's very difficult to even grasp the thought of being in a long term relationship with a woman that has a negative mindset.

Let's talk basics. If a woman has a negative mindset in reference to men and life, how is the relationship expected to progress and prosper? I believe that the only way to have a successful relationship is to build, together. Negative equals subtracting in math and in life. Now if there's two negative minded people, the relationship is definitely doomed. If any negativity is present in either partner's mindset, it will constantly subtract from the building blocks that supports your relationship.

On the other hand, a positive attitude works wonders. If you're a woman with a positive attitude, you WILL get married if you want to. There's no doubt in my mind that men love women with positive vibes and attitudes. It enhances conversations, it raises our comfort level with confiding in you, and it makes us look forward to talking to you and being in your presence. It's a breath of fresh air. The problem for some women is their positive attitude is only present in the beginning stages of getting to know a man and then the positivity disappears once her comfort level rises. This is where having a positive attitude is beneficial. When it's organic, it won't disappear because it's part of who you are. When it's artificial, your positive attitude will disappear the more familiar you become with a man. A woman with a positive attitude raises a man's comfort level. She's the type of woman that men brag to their friends about. Believe me, I know this and it happens often.

When a woman has a positive attitude, other things in her life are usually in pretty good shape as well. Her work ethic, faith, determination, and value are pretty good as well. The Law of attraction is real and people that think positive attract good things into their lives, including mates. If you want to marry a good man, keep a positive attitude and focus on being a good woman. It works like magic!

*Click here to check out Part 2*

There's a Part 4 to this series and it will also be #4 under "Carry yourself like you're wife material."

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 2)

2011-01-30T08:43:00.020-05:00

Welcome back to the "Wife Material 101" series. After the first part of this series, some women hit me up and asked me, "who are you to tell women what they should do in order to be considered wife material?" My response was, "A bachelor that knows what other men as well as myself look for in a wife." Look! You don't have to be some "expert" in order to share knowledge with women concerning what most men with common sense and a sense of self-worth look for in a wife. You don't have to be married either. The married men are not checking for single women anyways. Well...at least they shouldn't be. Show me a expert or teacher who has a flawless past with relationships and I'll show you a lie. We all can learn from each other, no titles needed.

On part 1, I left off on aiming to be more than a man's girlfriend in order for him to consider you as wife material. Sometimes women sell themselves short by trying too hard to avoid being a man's "sex only" partner and they forget about the bigger task at hand. Let's face it, some women do not want to get married, but most do. Some may not be ready for marriage due to focusing on upgrading their own lives and some have so many other things going on in their lives that they haven't even given marriage or relationships a thought. With that being said, I'm going to start off this post with "Carry yourself like you're wife material."

Carry yourself like you're wife material

In reference to the title above, I'm not stating that you should walk around stating "I'm wife material" with your nose high up in the air. No man wants a woman that has to constantly state that she's wife material. That's similar to a man walking around stating that he's financially wealthy. What I am referring to is behaving like you deserve to be a man's wife. Too many times as men, we come across women that talk the talk, but don't walk the walk. For a lot of men, one of the biggest turnoffs is a woman that constantly states her value, but rarely shows it. Men don't care if you state you're a dime, that your goods are better than the next woman's, you are the sh**, or that no other woman is on your level. We don't care! What we do care about is you showing those things without having to mention them. Visible confidence is so much better than verbal confidence.

I am going to list and explain some ways that you can carry yourself like you're wife material below.

1.) Show your worth

Anyone that has my book "The L Factor" knows that I'm big on a woman knowing her worth. A woman that knows her worth is very attractive to any man, but a woman that actually shows it is even more attractive. Like I stated above, it has to be visible, not just verbal. The way a man treats a woman will be a reflection of the way that she carries herself. The term "you finish how you start" holds weight, especially in the dating world. For example, I was having a conversation with a female acquaintance the other day and she was stating that a man determines whether a woman will be a his "sex only" partner or not. I corrected her and stated that it's the woman that determines it.

Let's say that a woman and a man starts having sexual relations without being in an exclusive relationship together. After the first week or so, the woman should know whether she's going to be in a relationship with that man or not. It's intuition and vibes, and they never lie. I can go deep into this, but it's another blog post. If you present yourself like you're more than a "sex only" partner, you will be treated like it. If not, you will move away from that situation because of knowing your worth. Now, that's not simple either, because some females refrain from sex for months in order to keep the man interested in pursuing a relationship with her. This sometimes backfires and runs some men that may very have been interested in them away. Just because a man left because you didn't want to have sex with him, it does not make him a bad guy or less of a quality mate. That's a common myth that has been circulating. More often than not, refraining from sex with a man for long periods of time doesn't work because most men determine if they consider you as relationship material within the first couple of conversations.

2.) Prove that being monogamous is something that you desire and have mastered

Let's be honest, men love women that are loyal. When a man has a woman that's faithful, he takes pride in that and her. If she had previous relationships where she was the opposite of loyal, it instantly raises a red flag.

Some women often consider themselves wife material, but they're either unfaithful to their current mate or simply not capable of being faithful at all. Excuse my language, but you can't be slutty wife material. That's an oxymoron. Well, actually you can, but no man with common sense and a sense of self-worth is going to want to marry a woman that has been around the block and city with John, Jim, and Hank.

If you're single, there's two sure ways that you can show that you have mastered being monogamous in relationships and those are your resume (refer back to part 1) and the way you handle dating as a single woman. Some women look at being single as a gateway to get sex from multiple guys in the same time frame and simply state "I do it because I'm single" when questioned about it. Other women look at being single as an opportunity to get to know men and maybe engage in sex with one of the men consistently. While others don't engage in sex at all. Men are aware that some women use being single as an excuse for having multiple sex partners.

Now women, if your plan is to be single and engage in sex ONLY with no relationship on the horizon, then enjoy yourself. However, if you're looking for a mate and potential husband, having multiple sex partners as a single woman will eventually ruin your chances. If a man is considering you as serious potential for a girlfriend and future wife, he will not approve of you having sex with multiple partners, even if you are single. Some guys don't mind, but I'm sure those guys are not interested in making you their mate or wife in the future either.

I will leave off at #3 for Part 3 of this series.

*Click here to read Part 1*

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part1)

2011-01-13T15:32:00.005-05:00

There are so many books that are on book shelves that are based on relationships. I actually have a book myself, The L Factor (Part 1)- Find out what Quality men REALLY want. My book pertains to the qualities and characteristics that many quality men look for in women. However, my book is not pertaining to what men look for in a potential wife. Sure a lot of things that are mentioned in my book will place a lot of women in a great position to be chosen by numerous quality men if they apply what they have learned, but being a wife is more complex than being a girlfriend.

I decided to title this post Wife material 101 because it's going to have some pointers in it. Of course, people take the 101 and state that it derives from College. Actually it does, because in college 101 usually represents an introduction to a course. I'm not a professor or anything of that nature. I'm just stating what I know. I'm not married, never been married, but I know what many other bachelors such as myself look for in a wife.

Wife Material 101

The main thing that you should know when it comes to being wife material is that it's all about individuality and preference. Every man is not the same in reference to desires and preferences. No matter how bad society wants to place all men in the same box, we are not all the same. Some men prefer different characteristics when it comes to physique, personality, family background, racial background, morals, and expectations. If what I previously stated is true, why are some people in society constantly generalizing ALL men? It's impossible to get an accurate answer by doing so. So what I'm going to do is state what I've been hearing from a good amount of men that I consider to be good quality guys that a lot of women would consider as husband material.

There are a lot of risk when it comes to marriage these days for men. Look at the media and social networking websites. Men are getting took to the bank in divorce settlements and put on blast by their ex wives and girlfriends via the Internet, society, and books. One way to ease a man's caution when it comes to the risk of experiencing these issues is to do the exact opposite of what the women that trash their exes via society, social networks, and books do.

Your resume is valuable

You're prior relationships are your resume, no matter how bad you want to deny it. I'm not stating that you have to hold everything from your past relationships over your head or that you ARE the same person that you were when you dated all of your exes. I'm referring to the way that you treat and mention your ex mates. You don't have to associate with your ex mates anymore, but DO NOT bash any of them on the Internet or anywhere else. This is a problem for some of women because they vent often, but please know that potential mates for you are paying close attention. There have been so many women in the past that have turned me off by the way they've dissed their ex mates. It's easy to play victim and the blame game, but it makes people, especially men look at you sideways. A lot of men will feel that you will do the same to them if things don't work out between the two of you. Till this day, I don't have anything negative to say about any of my ex girlfriends publicly, even if they can't say the same. By not blasting or dissing them it makes you more appealing and it's the classy thing to do. When it comes to marriage, being classy is always a plus. There aren't too many unpleasant things than a bitter woman that takes her negative emotions for her ex mates to the net, neighborhood, or press. There aren't a lot of sane men that get excited about women that put their ex mates on blast.

Listen

The ability to listen is very important. No, I'm not using the word "listen" as if you're a dog and he's your owner. However, I'm speaking in reference to listening to his desires and expectations. Listen to the things that he mentions as his likes and dislikes without asking questions about them. We usually reveal those things subconsciously. Pay attention to a man's actions and we will reveal many of our likes and dislikes. Men are human beings, and most human beings will reveal their true desires with time, even if those desires do not include you. You ever liked a single guy and was getting to know him, but shortly after he made another woman his girlfriend? If so, he told you his desires through his actions. Since some men are not upfront and honest about their desires in the beginning, be sure to listen not only with your ears, but also with your eyes. Listen with your eyes? Funny right?

Aim higher than becoming his girlfriend

Since I'm speaking to women, imagine a female that's confident and very talented (qualified) and she's trying out for a sports team. Because of her talent and confidence she's going to aim to be a starter on the team, not just a player on the team. She doesn't want to sit the bench because she knows that she's better than that. What does she do in tryouts? She shows off her best qualities and uses her confidence to prove to the coach that she not only deserves to make the team, but also deserves to be a starter. You have to be the same way in reference to being wife material. Being a man's wife is a lot more work than being his girlfriend. I'm a person that believes in the law of attraction. So if you want to be married, plan to be married. If you're getting into relationships just to become a man's girlfriend, you will be just that.

Some of my female readers often get mad at me because I tell them that they have to be chosen for marriage, but it's true. They feel that they shouldn't have to compete with other women for a husband. But being chosen is a competition and that's reality. Think about it, a man of good quality has thousands of women that he can choose as his wife, so he's not going to make you his wife just because. There has to be extra qualities which you display that garners his interest. Women play some role in who they want to marry, but the main person that's responsible for making the marriage happen is the man. Since he's the one that's doing the choosing, you have to put forth your best qualities forward in order to be chosen. There's no room for ego or pride in order for this to take place. As with anything, if you aim higher, you're going to need to put in more work and effort to achieve what you're aiming for.

I will continue and post part 2 within the next couple of weeks.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The Experience of Getting your Heart broken

2011-01-02T10:04:00.010-05:00

Happy New Years people!

I just received some great news recently. My blog post "You're the easy smash" was named my most popular blog post by word press. What's interesting is that specific blog post was probably my most rough, no chase type of blog post. It was just... honest! I'm assuming people responded to that one the way they did because of the truth that the post displayed. One thing about me, I write about what I know. If I don't know it, I'm not going to speak on it. Have I lived everything that I write about? No. But just because I didn't live everything that I write about does not mean that I am not knowledgeable when it comes to that subject. I will not steer people wrong and write about something that I have no knowledge of.

The Experience of Getting your Heart broken

I have a homeboy back in NY and he always says that if he came up with an instant pill remedy for heartache from a lost relationship, that takes the pain away immediately forever, he would probably be one of the richest men on earth. There's a lot of truth to his statement. As human beings, I feel we are placed on earth to experience love and heartache. It's a chance that you have to take in life in order to experience fulfillment in life. You have to love something or someone, even if it's only yourself. Chances are, if you love yourself; you're going to love something or someone other than yourself.

In about two months, March to be exact, the weather is going to begin to change and a lot of people are going to be experiencing heartache as a result of a failed investment of all of the time and energy invested during the winter time. If you know anyone who's experiencing this now, or even around that listed time, please refer them to this blog post.

Honestly, I had my heart broke by a couple women before. I remember it vividly. Sure you get over the pain and recover with time, but it's similar to a childhood scar; it sticks with you for the rest of your life and you'll never forget it. Cheers to experience... I guess! Do I look at it as soft? No, it's life! And if you're an adult and haven't had your heart broken, sooner or later something or someone is going to break your heart. Even the biggest players have or will have their heart broken by someone or something at least once in their lifetime. It's hard to invest in anything without the risk of experiencing a negative result of it. Heartache inspired Marvin Gaye to make what I believe is his most genuine record that he ever recorded "Just to keep you satisfied."

Investment is one of the causes of heartbreak. The other one is stupidity. The biggest investments that you can make in someone is genuine love. Genuine love comes from inside, it's not necessarily something that you say with words; it's all about actions. Sometimes when you have genuine love for someone or something, you go beyond limits and boundaries that you have set for yourself mentally.

Genuine love consist of time and energy. Whenever a substantial amount of both is dedicated to someone, you instantly place yourself on a track for a head on collision with heartbreak. Time and energy creates a habit. Time is very essential in making you grow attached to anything. You can be stuck with your enemy in a room for years and eventually you will begin to develop care for them as a result of time spent with them. Energy is put forth when you're determined and driven to accomplish something. Time and energy are two of the reasons why athletes cry after they win a Championship. It's those long hard days of energy and time that they invested that makes those tears flow. The same goes for genuine love.

People tend to get mad at themselves when they get their heart broken by someone. They blame themselves and sob in pity. However, there's no reason to sob in pity over getting your heart broken. In fact, you should be grateful. The learning experience that comes as a result of heartache is greater than the heartache itself, if you truly acknowledge and embrace it. Having your heart broken means you invested time and energy in something that you genuinely cared about. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or you're less than the person that broke your heart. It's a lesson of investment if anything. Next time around, you'll invest wisely. You should not stop investing genuine love in people and goals, because you're afraid of the pain that comes as a result of not receiving a proper return of investment. Instead look at it as not limiting yourself of experiencing some of the greatest emotions in life.

When a kid is first learning how to walk or ride a bike and they fall down hurting themselves, do they get up or never try again? Most of us have been there in our childhood and tried again with the same amount of energy as before, if not more until we learned how to walk or ride a bike. Use that same theory with everything else in life. Have the same determination as a child.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Just My Thoughts Vol. 1

2010-11-27T10:32:00.003-05:00

As a writer, one of my goals is to be honest as possible. Sometimes, you're forced to remain neutral about certain topics, depending on your audience. I have always been a fan of balance. I decided to write about my current thoughts on my blog. Normally, I write about relationships because that's what my core reader base is into. However, sometimes I want to express my thoughts on my blog.

You know what I miss? I miss seeing other black men that stand for something positive. I miss the exposure of it. When I state positive, I'm referring to masculine, strong, intelligent, and successful black men. For example, I was having a conversation the other day with a young lady who's a school teacher, and she was stating that most of her male students aspire to become athletes or something in the entertainment industry. That has been obvious for quite some time now. However, she asked them who's their male role models, and none of them mentioned our President Barack Obama or male African Americans of positive influence, and it made her realize that our youth aspire to be whatever they're constantly exposed to.

Times have changed and so have people. However, one thing remains the same and that's the fact that there are both positive and negative influences that young black men are exposed to. The problem is, the negative influences receive the most exposure in this current society.

Am I stating that I want more black men to step up and assume a role as a role model? No! Being a role model is a huge job. In fact, I believe that being a role model is one of the toughest jobs to have. Which is why many athletes and entertainers shy away from the title of "a role model." I stated in my book Tug of Conflict that I don't want to be considered a role model, and my reason is because we are all flawed and are all prone to making mistakes. I don't want that pressure on me, because it will make me think more about NOT making a mistake, than it will make me think about being a positive influence. I just wanna inspire young men, especially young black men to do well and think outside of the box. If they aspire to be like me, then I'm good with that. However, I wouldn't want to think that just because I'm doing positive things I'm not flawed or mistake prone. As long as I'm not considered their role model, I'm okay.

I don't think we should tell kids to look for adults to be their role models. However, I believe we should tell them to look to adult's actions as examples. I learned a lot during my childhood from being exposed to positive and negative influences. I didn't have role models, but I learned from people's actions because I used them as examples. The problem with being kid's role model is, once you make a mistake, those kids and their parents never view you the same, then you're no longer a role model.

A prime example of what I'm referring to would be football player Mike Vick. I'm sure Mike Vick was a role model to a plethora of kids. He had the top selling football jersey and he had a whole city and football team on his back. So many people loved Mike Vick as a football player and looked up to him. Once Mike Vick committed the crime of abusing animals, it all changed. Mike Vick instantly became one of the most hated football players in history, behind maybe O.J Simpson. More than likely, there were a lot of young men who tossed aside the idea of Mike Vick being their role model, and the main reason was probably because of the way that other people in society began to view him. Once society completely turns on you, it's hard for youth to completely look at you the same. If a young man was to say "My role model is Mike Vick," I'm sure a lot of adult would discourage that idea.

African American males don't need more positive role models. They need to be exposed to more positive examples. The media doesn't expose these examples as much, and a large amount of our youth are exposed to the television and Internet for most of their time away from school. I believe that it is the responsibility of parents to expose their kids to more positive African American male examples, until we find a way to get African American males more positive media exposure and that's a journey within itself.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The L Factor (Part One)- Book Summary

2010-11-24T07:39:00.006-05:00

People on my facebook page and elsewhere have been asking me about my book The L Factor (Part One) lately. They want to know what's the status of the book, is it out, what is it about, who does it pertain to, and why should they purchase the book. I will honestly tell you all, that this book is "that book." It doesn't matter if you're married, divorced, dating, or single. If you're a woman, you should have THIS book in your possession. I decided to write a blog in order to give people an inside view of the book. I'm going to let you all know what the book is about, how you can benefit from it in your relationship with men, and why you should purchase the book.

The L Factor (Part one)- Find out what Quality men REALLY want

Why did I write the book?

The title "The L Factor" is actually a book series that I recently started. Many people ask me what does the "L" stand for. I will reveal the meaning of the L in the last book of the series. The first part of the series is Find out what Quality men REALLY want. I decided to write about what Quality men REALLY want because no one has talked about it in a book thus far. There has been books about what men in general want, how to please men, and how to think like a man. But no one has written a book specifically titled: What Quality men REALLY want. Another reason is because most women want a man of quality. Some know how to attain one, but a lot of them don't. The main reason why I decided to write this book is, when I asked women "what does Quality men REALLY want?" None of them was able to give me an answer. The most common answer that I received was "I don't know."

What is the book about?

The book is about what Quality men REALLY want and desire. A lot of people in society are throwing out ideas about what men want. But honestly, the book is about one specific type of man: quality men. When it comes to men and people in general, you cannot generalize. There are different types of men just like there are different types of women. Men of quality do not want to be compared with ordinary men. There's a big difference, and if you're not aware of it, you will ruin your chances of connecting with a man of quality.

In this book, I explain my definition of a quality man. I let women know the characteristics of quality men and how they can spot one. For the most part, this book is split between two parts, the expectations of quality men and the preferences of quality men. There is a difference between the two. Some quality men have different preferences in women than others, but they all usually have the same expectations. I explain what the preferences and expectations are and the common mistakes that women make with quality men and men in general. This book explains why you cannot categorize quality men with ordinary men.

Who is The L Factor (Part one) for?

The book is for women of all ages. Sex is rarely talked about in this book, so this will be a GREAT book for teenage women to read as well, so they can learn the characteristics of a quality man in an early stage of their lives. Men can benefit from this book as well. Not so they can find a quality man, but so they too, can know the characteristics of quality men. This book is for married women and women who are dating because it provides answers to fulfilling many of the desires of their mate. The book is definitely for single women, because they will know the characteristics of quality men and also what they desire in women, after reading this book.

Why should people purchase this book?

People often assume that they have all of the answers when it comes to dating. Many of those people who assume that they do, often are people who are currently single, or going through rough times in their relationship. In life, you have to be open minded and willing to learn something new in order to grow and improve. I'm letting everyone know right now, that this book is not a book that you have read before. You may already be knowledgeable of some of the things in this book, but there are a lot of gems in this book that you are not aware of, and they can aid your marriage and dating life.

What is the Biggest misconception in reference to the book?

I would say the biggest misconception is that this book is like Steve Harvey's "Act like a lady, and think like a man" book. That's a HUGE misconception because my book is about Quality men, not men in general. I'm not telling you how to think like a man, and that's no disrespect to Steve. I had one lady say to me one day "Oh so your book is like a knock-off of Steve Harvey's book?" I replied, "No! Our books can't be compared." That's like comparing a Donald Trump book to "Think and grow rich" by Napoleon Hill, because they both relate to business and money. Just because our books relate to what men, does not mean that our books are similar. You have to read the book in order to find out.

Why should people purchase this book?

Because you never know too much when it comes to dating. Everyone can benefit from this book, both men and women. I don't believe that there is one woman that will not find something in this book beneficial, if she reads it with an open mind. If you come into reading this book with stereotypes and a stubborn mindset, you're not going to enjoy it. If you read it with an open mind, you will learn a lot.

The book (Paperback) is available on Sale for $9.99 via the L factor website, this week ONLY, up until 11pm on Black Friday! Get it while it's low in price!

Darnell Mckinnon

http://www.thelfactorbook.com/

2010-11-22T10:40:00.003-05:00

This Friday 11-26-10 My book The L Factor (Part 1)-Find out what Quality men REALLY want will be available for $9.99. Paperback copy! One day only

Only on the L Factor website:

www.thelfactorbook.com

What Does He Teach You? (Message for Women)

2010-11-11T16:18:00.004-05:00

What's up. I haven't blogged in a while, because I've been taking care of some business and getting some great things set up for 2011. I decided to take out time and write a blog for women. This is pertaining to both young and adult women. And the end of this blog, ask yourself "What does he teach you?"

What Does He Teach You?

Ladies, when you're dating a guy, there's one important thing that you should be receiving...knowledge! In a relationship, a man can upgrade you with material, financial, and if he's willing to workout with you often, physical things. The most important upgrade that you can receive from a man is the mental upgrade. Why? The mental upgrade lasts for a lifetime.

When I state mental upgrade, I am referring to what a man teaches you. I'm not referring to him teaching you how to load his glock, roll a blunt, or change a flat tire. Being mentally upgraded consist of gaining knowledge in that will improve and upgrade your life, whether the guy is still around or no longer there.

The mental upgrade consist of encouraging you to pursue your dreams while keeping a supportive and positive mindset. It can also consist of teaching you things that you never knew that can benefit your life in the present and future. A mental upgrade can take place by traveling and seeing new things, while learning about different cultures. A man can also upgrade you mentally by introducing you to a new group of people that have a positive mindset and positive direction. He can also upgrade you mentally by correcting you when you're wrong, but show you how to do it the correct way as well. He can teach you how to get closer to accomplishing your goals or introduce you to people to help you get closer to them. Those are just some examples, but there are so many more ways that a man can mentally upgrade a woman.

Too many women are dealing with men that provide them with all of the other upgrades except the mental upgrade. If a man is not teaching you anything or helping you upgrade your mental, there's no point in being with him. A lot of women don't care if a man that they're involved with doesn't upgrade them mentally, as long as they're getting a financial and material upgrade.

Financial and material benefits come and go. If you are not knowledgeable with smart investments, flipping money, or hustling the material that men provide you with, then your money and material benefits will be there one minute and gone the next. Sure you'll still have the material things, but if it's something trendy, it will lose value quick.

If the man that provides you with a material and financial upgrade decides to walk out of your life, then you will probably begin to act out in a desperate manner by begging him to come back into your life. This is how some women part from relationships without being in possession of anything with real value.

The mental upgrade lasts well after he's gone. The greatest upgrade that you can get from any mate is the mental upgrade. Once knowledge is instilled in you; it's often hard to forget. Being involved with men that only provide nice material and financial upgrades will only get you so far.

I always tell some of my female friends "if a man is willing to teach you things that will improve your lifestyle overall, then that same man will more than likely be willing to love you." Why? Because teaching someone is an investment. If you invest in anything, whether it's time, work, or energy, you will eventually begin to genuinely care about whatever you're investing in. It's hard to not care about something that you invest in. People invest because they want to see growth and success. I don't know too many people that invest in products or people that they don't believe in. Two things have to happen in order for someone to teach others. 1.) The student has to be paying attention or at least be affected by the knowledge in some way in order to learn. 2.) The teacher has to be willing to share knowledge. As a man, we get a great sense of pride when we meet a woman that's willing and open-minded enough to upgrade herself mentally and learn from us.

If a man is willing to share his knowledge with you, and you're willing to listen then that's a great platform to start a relationship. A relationship should not be an option if both partners can not provide each other with a mental upgrade. If you have a man that's willing to upgrade you mentally, then you might have a good catch. If you don't, ask yourself "what does he teach me?"

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Tug of Conflict- Inside View (Must Read)

2010-10-30T07:42:00.005-04:00

Before I decided to write my first book Tug of Conflict, I always stated that I felt like young men, particularly young black men, were always misunderstood by adults and those around them. Some people believe that the issues, that are shown on the surface, are the cause of a problem and not the result of a problem. I decided to write Tug of Conflict to give an inside view of the mind's of many young men throughout the world, especially in the U.S. It doesn't matter what race they are, if they're a good kid or student, their religious background, or upbringing, because most young men are not immune to the Tug of Conflict.

What is the Tug of Conflict?

The Tug of Conflict is the mental battles that young men experience in their teen and adolescent years. I will say that any young man that is under the age of 25 years old can experience the effects of the Tug of Conflict. The subtitle of the book is "Young men and their battles against the rebellious lifestyle." The rebellious lifestyle is anything that may be considered as the act of not being law abiding, especially in people in society's eyes. To give some example, the Tug of Conflict would be committing crimes, being disobedient, tons of women, abuse of drugs and alcohol, acting up in school or disrespecting yourself as a young man. Young men look up to the people that they're exposed to, particularly those with the most success. Most young men aspire to have pretty females, nice cars, nice jewelry, clothes, and money in their pocket. Those items listed are some of the items that often comes along with living a rebellious lifestyle. That creates temptations, and those temptations are the reason why many young men lose the mental battle of the Tug of Conflict.

What is the cause of Tug of Conflict?

The Tug of Conflict stems from young men receiving a lack of attention and appreciation for doing what's right. Some people look at young men and they expect them to have Superman tendencies. Many young men are afraid to talk about their frustrations and what's bothering them inside because they believe that no one will seriously listen or help them solve their issues. Honestly, many young men feel that adults do not care about what they experience.

Here's an example: I'm a young man in school and I'm doing fairly well with my grades. I never receive appreciation for the good job that I'm doing from my family, and my peers aren't really concerned with how good I'm doing. However, the kid's that are not doing as well receive more attention and appreciation than I do because they're usually class clowns or rebellious and those actions receive more attention. I become tempted to act out in a rebellious manner in order to receive more attention and appreciation. Those temptations lead me to experiencing mental battles between doing what I should be doing and what I shouldn't.

Why I decided to write the book?

Another reason why I wrote this book is because many adults, teachers, mentors, and relatives are associated with at least one young man that is currently experiencing the Tug of Conflict. However, these young men do not voice their specific inner feelings because of it's uncomfortable. As males, you learn to conceal your true emotions at a very young age in order to protect yourself from being picked on by your peers, as a result of looking weak or emotional. A lot of adults don't realize this, but many young men are suffering inside as a result of the Tug of Conflict. It's a part of life for most young men, and if they don't have people around them who support and appreciate them, and understand what they're going through, they will lose the battle. Many young men have already lost the battle and some are currently losing it.

The biggest misconception of the book

The biggest misconception of Tug of Conflict is that the book was written for young men. The book was NOT written for young men, it was written ABOUT young men. The book has a lot to do with the experiences of some of the young men that I knew throughout my childhood my own personal experiences. The book is mainly for adults and associates of young men. Whether you're a cousin, older brother, sister, aunt, uncle, father, teacher, mentor, or an associate, this book is for YOU. Young men can read this book and can get something out of the book, but the main purpose of Tug of Conflict is to raise awareness to the adults that associate with young men.

Another misconception is that people believe this book is about thugs or the thug lifestyle. That is very false. I'm not a thug, nor have I ever claimed to be a thug. This book is about young men in general because we all experience temptations, we all experience mental battles, and most of us experience the Tug of Conflict.

Who's immune to the Tug of Conflict?

I believe NO young man is immune to experiencing the Tug of Conflict. Race doesn't matter, age, or upbringing. There are plenty young men with religious backgrounds who experience it as well as young men that were brought up in two parent households. The material in the book covers just about every type of young men. One of the biggest mistakes that adults and associates of young men make is believing that their sons or young men that they know are immune to the temptations of the rebellious lifestyle, because they were raised a certain way or in certain environments. That's false!

For years, people have been trying to find reasoning as to why so many young men act out the way they do. There's a name for their actions: Tug of Conflict. Young men who behave in a rebellious manner in society are not acting that way for the fun of it. Many of them behave that way because they want something that society constantly refuses to give them, attention and appreciation for doing what's right. When things turn out bad for a young man, I often hear adults and their associates say "He was on a good path, I never saw this coming." One of the reasons why they make those statements is because they're not aware of the Tug of Conflict. A lot of young women experience the Tug of Conflict as well.

Just about every adult that has purchased my book stated that they learned something new in reference to the mindset of young men. There's Chapters on education, Hip-Hop, goals, mindset, as well as females in this book.

This book is a MUST READ for anyone who's associated with young men. Not so you can question them, but so you can understand them. I believe young men are the most misunderstood of everyone, because we rarely voice our true inner feelings. This book provides understanding.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Click here to visit the Tug of Conflict website and purchase the book!

Click here to purchase the book from Barnes & Noble

Being A PERFECTionist Can Ruin Your Relationships

2010-10-27T14:26:00.009-04:00

I have to admit, I am one of the most difficult men to date... In my past relationships at least. I'm working on changing it right now though. My problem is the same problem that many people have. I'm a perfectionist! When it comes to the business side of me, I like for everything to be how I want it. Being a perfectionist is something that I'm working on breaking, because it kills more good things in your life then bad. I had to come to the understanding that most women can't be everything that I want them to be, but they CAN be everything that I need them to be. I'm not a grown man, I'm a growing man. The day you stop growing is the day that you stop learning.

As a perfectionist, you may be on top of your game in terms of handling your business and making things turn out very close and similar to the way that you want them to go. However, it is inevitable that the perfectionist inside of you will end up destroying at least one of your relationships in your lifetime, if you bring that side of you into your relationship.

Being A PERFECTionist Can Ruin Your Relationships

The word perfect is in caps because that's the source behind being a perfectionist. When you're a perfectionist, your goal is to make everything turn out perfect, or at least close to perfect. Once that same attitude is carried over into your relationships, you're instantly fighting a hopeless battle. There is no such thing as perfect when it comes to a relationship or dating mate. You will never meet a mate that is perfect. If you're a perfectionist in terms of relationships, you will never meet a mate that completely satisfies you. You will react to your mate the same way that you react to other things in your life. You ever notice that most perfectionist are some of the biggest complainers around and they're hardly ever satisfied no matter how well things are going? Well that's how things are when you bring your perfectionist attitude into a relationship.

Being a perfectionist in a relationship takes away the simplicity of you and your mate understanding each other. Everything becomes difficult, starting with communication and peace. When you bring your perfectionist attitude into your relationship, it makes you constantly raise the bar for your expectations of your mate. You can have one of the best partners that mesh very well with you, but you will constantly find something wrong because it's what you are used to doing outside of your relationship.

There are a lot of people who are perfectionist when in terms of dating. Some of them have a list of requirements for their mate to meet. However, majority of those people who do have a list of requirements, will probably still find fault in their partner even after every requirement has been achieved.

The negative affect of being a perfectionist in a relationship is the difficulty of creating happiness and stability within your relationship. It also creates a disconnect between you and your partner because of the bar that you constantly raise for your mate to attain during the relationship. Perfectionist find the slightest things wrong, even when things are considered to be going great.

It's okay to have standards when choosing a mate and before getting into a relationship. But if you're constantly raising the bar for your mate during the relationship, then chances are you may be a perfectionist in your relationship. It's cool to encourage your partner, while the two of you work towards becoming a better couple and individuals. However, when you're the only one raising the bar and discouraging instead of encouraging, it may be time for a gut check.

Human beings are all flawed. You're not going to find one human being on earth that is not flawed. Expecting perfection in a mate and relationships, is basically setting yourself up for failure. Every person that you decide to get into a relationship with is going to be flawed. Some will have flaws that are greater than others, but all of them will have flaws. If you expect to get into a relationship with a partner that fits YOU perfectly, cancel your expectations, because a relationship is not about your partner fitting you, it's about the two of you fitting each other. Perfectionist in relationships don't understand that. One day they will have no other choice, or they'll just be alone.

The word perfect and the word relationship don't mix.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

So Are We Tooning It Out Now?

2010-10-22T08:15:00.005-04:00

Recently there has been a number of viral videos being posted around on the net. You can create a video on http://www.xtranormal.com/ with cartoons engaging in dialogue. This blog is in reference to the videos that are about black relationships. The first time I saw one of the videos, it was about a marriage negotiations between a black husband and wife who were going through a divorce. In that particular video, the woman was expressing her reasons for not wanting to stay with her husband, while he countered with a response. I found that video to be funny and even posted it on my facebook page, because it was something new, it was actually filled with humor, and I believed the majority of the dialogue between the husband and wife was true in reference to some black men and women. After that video, I saw the female response to that one. I found that one to be humorous as well. Then there was a new video being spread around daily, and while these videos may be full of humor, my question to everyone is... are we tooning it out now?

So are we tooning it out now?

As stated above, these videos are funny. However, the messages in these videos are the same messages that many black bloggers and authors have written about. There has been ABC dateline shows about them, and there are constant talks about them amongst black people.

Some people may not want to admit it, but some black men and women have a problem with seeing eye to eye with each other. There's obviously a disconnect. In fact there's not only is there a disconnect, we can't even find the two wires (respectful communication) in order to connect. Some people may believe that the dateline shows, the books, and the cartoons are a great outlet for black men and women to express their concerns and frustrations. However, if you pay attention to the blogs, books, TV and radio shows, and cartoons that relate to the relationships between black men and women, they're normally filled with bashing. Either it's a black man bashing black women, or a black woman bashing black men, and sometimes it's even a black man or black woman bashing their own.

These cartoon videos are the new and inventive way of black men and women expressing their frustrations. Sure, someone is going to email me and state that there has been videos made by all races that features politicians, athletes, and work environments. However, I have never came across videos from the xtranormal website until I saw the Black Marriage negotiation video, and many other black people can state the same.

As stated, people like the videos because they're funny and they have some truth to them. However, some black men and women have to find a better way to not only express our frustrations amongst each other, but find a better way to understand, get to the root of them problem, and solve the problem. Everyone is expressing the results of the problem, but not many people are getting to the root of the problem. Because imo (in my opinion) things are the way they are between some black men and women, because they were set up to be this way. Until the black men and women who are expressing frustration towards each other realize that, things will continue to stay the same or worsen. Everyone is venting, but it's not making anything better. Of course, my blog is not going to stop some black men and women from complaining and venting about their issues with each other, but they should at least try to solve the problem.

Frustration comes from trying, so that's a good sign. Some black men are complaining because deep down inside beyond the outer expressions, they don't want to give up on black women and they do care. For some black women, the feeling is mutual. But problems between two parties can only be solved properly if there is an mutual understanding, followed by a solution.

I really dislike writing about relationships between black men and women, because it adds fuel to the fire. Some people do not have enough critical thinking skills, so they will take out specific pieces of the article and make it the topic of the entire article, while making it seem as if I'm bashing black men or women, when I'm only genuinely trying to help. Another reason why I don't do it is because I can't generalize a whole races based on the actions of some of the people that belong to that race. So I write in general, because relationship and self-improvement issues stretch far beyond black men and women. As human beings, we all have flaws.

With that said, I'll ask again, are we tooning it out now?

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Stop Complaining! You're Living Out Your Dream Right Now

2010-10-05T16:37:00.008-04:00

There are many ups and downs that take place whenever you're trying to make something out of your life. I'm talking about something that's out of the ordinary such as opening your own business, pursuing a profession such as a doctor, lawyer, or many other careers, being an athlete or entertainer, or even something more greater such as coming up with a new invention. There's always going to be non-believers, haters, and fickle supporters. You probably will be more let down by the people around you than strangers.

When you're in the beginning stages of anything, some people who you consider to be close to you doubt you. It's human nature I suppose. It's hard for people to believe that someone who their familiar with is going to be something great. They need strong visible proof first. I know the pain of working so hard to accomplish something while some people look at you as if you're doing nothing at all.

All of those ups and downs lead some people to believe that they have a long distance to go before they're able to live out their dreams. Some of them even believe that their dreams are out of reach. They complain daily and many of them have either thought about giving up on their dreams or have already gave up. The ups and downs that come along with achieving greatness are enough to make anyone question if their dreams are attainable. However, many people do not realize that they are currently living out their dreams. I'm going to explain what I'm referring to throughout the rest of this blog.

Stop complaining! You're living out your dream right now

A lot of people are currently living out their dream and don't even know it. Think of a dream as being similar to a movie. The beginning and middle of the movie all lead up to the finale. The stages of dreams are similar because there's the beginning stage, which is when you first realize that you have a dream and aspirations of being something and you decide to take action towards accomplishing that dream. The middle stage is the stage that many people are currently in. This is also the stage that causes many people to quit pursuing their dreams. It's the stage where you're constantly putting in work and strong effort towards accomplishing your dream, but more often than not you still don't see any major results. And the finale of the dream is when your reaping the rewards and benefits of all of the effort that you have put towards that dream. It can also be called the rewarding stage.

When it comes to dreams and aspirations, people have a fairytale image stuck in their minds. They believe that they're going to wake up one day and, boom!..they're living out their dream. The finale of the dream is the only image that they have in their minds in reference to the dream. They ignore the stages of the dream. Well for most people who have accomplished their dreams, it doesn't work that way.

Above I stated that you're living out your dream right now. If you're in the beginning stages of being whatever you inspire and dream about being, you're currently living out that dream. If your dream is to become a doctor and you're currently in med school, you're living out your dream. If your dream is to become a lawyer and you're currently in Law school or studying for the bar exam, you're living out your dream. If your dream is to be an entertainer and you're constantly working on your craft, marketing yourself, learning more about the industry, and putting in work towards being a star, then you're currently living out your dream. If your dream is to own your own business and you did your marketing plan, got business cards, legalized your business, got a logo done, and began marketing your company, you're currently living out your dream. Whatever it is that you dream about becoming or doing, if you're putting work into that right now, you're living out your dream.

Some people are probably scratching their heads right now from reading that last paragraph, but I believe what I stated is very valid. Once again, dreams have stages. Most of the people who are living out the same dream that you aspire to attain, have went through the stages of a dream. Professional Athletes have trained hours, months, and years to get where they are. Many of them also are not aware that they accomplished their "dreams" because they were actually living out their dreams beforehand.

There's one important reason why I'm stating that you're living out your dream, if you currently putting in work towards it. The law of attraction! When you believe that you're currently living out your dream, you will eventually see the bigger picture and will eventually experience the rewarding stage of that dream. People only have a mental image of the rewarding stage of their dream such as the nice vehicles, luxury houses, high-end fashion clothing, trips overseas, and a nice lifestyle. They don't see the other parts of the dream, such as the hard work that it takes in order to accomplish those things, the disappointment and embarrassment, and the low points. Those things are apart of the dream as well.

Many people dispose of the mental image of hard work that it takes to get to the finale of the dream, because they don't want to become discouraged. However, if they come to the realization that they are currently living out their dream and that their hardships and hard work is just a specimen of that dream, they will stay motivated. It's hard to feel down when you're currently living out your dreams.

Props to everyone that's currently living out their dream. All the hard work, ups and downs, and hardships are going to pay off eventually. Remember, the image that you hold in your head of your dream is just the finale, you're actually living it out right now!

Why complain about something that's already being lived out and accomplished? Don't wait till the finale to feel good about it. Let the non-believers continue to laugh and doubt you, because whether they realize it or not, you're already living out your dream.

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Your Craving for Attention may be Killing Your Opportunity for Mating

2010-09-30T09:08:00.013-04:00

What's up people. I decided to write a blog on a different site. This is actually my blog for my books. I haven't blogged in a while. It's been almost a month or so. I had to sort some things out in my life. I can't write and help you if I need to fix some of the things that I'm trying to help you all with. Now those issues are settled, I'm back at it. Although I probably will not be blogging as much as I used to, because I have other projects taking off. But for now, I'm here!

Your Craving for Attention may be Killing Your Opportunity for Mating

This blog is only for women who are interested in relationships and dating seriously. It doesn't apply to women who are not. There's good news for you ladies! There are men of substance out there for you that are serious about dating and being in a relationship. However, there are certain things that you can do to make you miss out on the one. I know women hate hearing "here's what you're doing wrong and this is why you don't have a good man," but what I'm writing is not to pick at your flaws; it's to improve them. If I know something that can help you, why not share it?

Women like attention because it makes them feel good. Not many women are going to disagree with that. But there are some women who depend on attention from men. Some of those women get caught so deep in the attention game, that when the opportunity of connecting with a good man presents itself, they are not aware because they're still stuck in the game of attention seeking. Men often list other flaws such as looks, character, and attitude as to why women miss out on good men, but craving attention plays a strong part as well, especially within the first couple of conversations.

In the early stages of getting to know women, it's one main thing that I'm looking to find out within the first couple of conversations. That thing that I am referring to is, if the communication between she and I is about her interest in getting to know me, or it's an attempt to satisfy her craving for attention. Now, I know some of you are reading this and saying "what female would waste her time and converse with guys for attention?" Well.... a lot of them.

There are women who go on dates with guys that they're not attracted to or interested in just to get taken out and to feel special. There are women who give guys, that they're not interested in, their number because they either feel sorry for him or they want to feel desired. There's women who sleep with guys that they're not attracted to or interested in. A great majority of those situations relates to attention. A lot of women do things for a temporary ego boost which results in a craving for attention, and many guys fall victim to this. As a matter of fact, at some point in our lives, all guys have. Unfortunately, most of those guys who have been burned, by women like the above mentioned, keep those things in mind for future dating purposes. It sparks a sensor in guys and most who are in their sane mind vow to themselves to never let it happen again. In the long run, many of those women fall victim to craving attention, because they end up missing out on a good man as a result of it.

Once I find out that the purpose of communication with a woman that I'm getting to know is to satisfy her craving for attention, I immediately take my interest elsewhere to the next woman. Here's the thing ladies, there are enough men of substance out there who are probably interested in getting to know you and building towards a relationship. Some of those guys may actually be the type of guy that you desire. However, there's a way to make him lose instant interest in putting forth an effort in getting to know you better. That happens when you throw him a signal that it's more about you receiving attention than getting to know him.

Ladies, as mentioned, men have a sensor just like you do. If he's a man of substance and has options, (which most men of substance have) he doesn't have time to sit around and inflate a woman's ego or fulfill her craving for attention, if he knows that it's the sole purpose of the two of you communicating. Men who are stable and serious about dating are not attracted to attention seekers. It's an instant turn-off. Sure most women desire attention, but there are some women who make their desire for attention into a game. That's where it burns them in the long run.

If you truly want to increase your chances of connecting with a man that's serious about building towards a relationship, place attention on the back burner behind getting to know him. It's a good thing to have your best interest at heart, but when your best interest is the only thing that you're interested in, it becomes a complete turnoff.

Here are a few things that you can do to not kill your opportunity

-Show interest in him. Make the dialogue a mutual thing. Ask about his desires, let him know what you're willing to bring to the table in reference to relationships, and ask him what he likes to do. Show him that you appreciate being in his presence.

- Know the purpose of communication for the two of you. If you don't make it clear that you are interested in being in a relationship with the right guy, then he'll assume that you're not looking for one.

-Whatever you do, don't make it all about you.

A lot of women would make excellent mates. But when they're dealing with a man who's truly interested in being in a relationship, they have to make sure that they're willing to put attention on the back burner. Attention seeking is a deal breaker!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Tug of Conflict "On Sale" On Barnes N Noble's site

2010-09-22T11:01:00.000-04:00

Tug of Conflict is now on sale on Barnesandnoble.com for it's lowest price starting at $14.39. Every parent, teacher, student, child, or mentor needs to have this book. It's for everyone! Anyone who stereotypes and prejudges the actions of young men need this book as well. For those of you who are not familiar with the site, check this out:

When ordinary young men who have been living their life right, are constantly being tempted by the benefits that come along with the rebellious lifestyle, it creates a mental struggle that is called: Tug of Conflict. This book provides understanding and knowledge as to why many young men who are ordinary young men, battle the temptations of the rebellious lifestyle, and sometimes lose those battles daily. Read this book, and find out why most young and adult men are not immune to the battle against the rebellious lifestyle. This book is not only for young men, but their loved ones as well because it provides knowledge and understanding in reference to this battle.

(To Purchase the book directly from Barnes and Noble Click Here)

Check out the trailer for Tug of Conflict Below:

Tug of Conflict Available Now! from D.Mckinnon on Vimeo.

(Check out the Tug of Conflict website by clicking here)

ATTENTION:

2010-05-20T19:11:00.000-04:00

Tug of Conflict Now Available on E-Book

2009-12-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

Click Here To Purchase The E-Book!

Nell Vision Publishing Presents:The L Factor

2009-11-18T13:04:00.000-05:00

This book is aimed towards assisting women with understanding a Quality man. So many times I hear women state that there aren't any good men around, but there is. But those same women, may not have the characteristics that those quality men are looking for. This book airs out those specific characteristics.

The readers of this book will learn things such as, what quality men look for in women, what turns them off, and the reason why the probably have not had success with a quality man thus far. Do you know what Quality men REALLY want? If your answer is no, maybe, or I don't know; this book is for you!

Coming EARLY 2010

The L Factor will be available on the Tug of Conflict website!

Darnell R. Mckinnon

I am an Self Published Author

2009-10-24T09:37:00.000-04:00

As of late, my book Tug of Conflict has been doing pretty good. I advise people to continue to check out my writing blog and the Tug of Conflict website. I decided to write this because there are people that do not understand that difference between an Published author and a Self Published author. It is similar to the music industry, a Major artist and a Independent artist as far as one is having your work owned by a company and the other is owning your own work. Major labels provide artist with money to market and promote, while Independent artist have to do it on their own. I decided to Self Publish my book because I wanted to own my own work, and if someone else does become owner of my work someday, it will be after I have reaped all the possible credit from all the hard work that I put in.

It's a challenge being a Self Publisher because you have to do everything on your own as far as marketing, promoting, website, selling, etc. But I love the challenge and embrace it everyday. The money for the few things listed comes from the Self Publisher. However, sometimes people are not aware of the circumstances of being a Self Publisher and they feel as though they do not have to support me because they are associates of mine. Artist that are Published can afford to give away free books for the good of it because their Publishing company supplies the books. I can only afford to give away free books for Marketing purposes because as stated, the money comes out of my pockets, not an Publishing companies pockets.

So to everyone that has supported me, I appreciate you understanding the grind of a Self Published author. To everyone who did not understand, hopefully you guys do now. I would love to give away free books to everyone who I am associated with, but unfortunately I can't right now. One day in the near future I will be able to do so. Once again, thank you all for your support in making Tug of Conflict a future Best Seller.

"Don't just support me, support the book and it's cause."

Darnell R. Mckinnon

Another Tug of Conflict Review Posted

2009-09-30T18:10:00.000-04:00

This story is a real coming of age story. I like that it examines aspects of a “rebellious lifestyle” and why young men find themselves on a journey to self destruction. The story is written in a young black man’s perspective as it follows him through a life in Buffalo, NY. It gives true life examples of people and the choices they made along the way and what influences lead to these choices. I think many young men and single mothers of young men could really benefit from this perspective. It was a good read that kept me wanting to know what connections that hip-hop and television and the internet have to influencing a young man to a life of crime or imprisonment. This is a book for all genders and all races it is an examination on our society as a whole. ENJOY

Reviewed by:Poetic Monthly Magazine
Reviewer: Rebecca Guild

Story Behind The Book...

2009-09-19T19:41:00.000-04:00

Everyday I come across one subject matter that is always being discussed. Either its discussed subconsciously or openly. The subject that I am referring to is: The youth of this country, specifically young men.

Why is his pants so tight? Why does he listen to that stupid Hip-Hop music? Why did he do something so stupid? These young boys have no respect for elders, who's his parents? Why did he kill that man? Why did he rob? Is he crazy? Why he won't pull his pants up? Why is he so disrespectful? Why is he so hardheaded? What has happened to our youth? These boys need daddies in there lives, where is their daddies? He was a good boy, why did he change his life for the worse?

Judging from the previous paragraph, it doesn't seem like we know it all when it comes to young men. Honestly, we don't have the solution to stop young men from committing rebellious acts, no one on earth has the solution except those young men. However, with knowledge and an better understanding we will be better educated on why they act out in such manners. The reasons why they do act out in those manners may be totally different from what you have assumed. There is a silent battle going on that is often over looked. That battle claims the lives of many young and adult males in this country daily.

Recently I wrote a book titled 'Tug of Conflict- Young men and their battle against the rebellious lifestyle.' To some, it may be a boring or dull subject matter, but that may be the reason why we are so worried and confused about the young males in this country. Let me ask you all a question, when is the last time that you have been excited about the potential and future of young males? Some may say when President Obama became elected, but after the euphoria wore off, when was the last time that you truly were excited about the future of young males? Have you given up on young males completely?

I ask the above question because it shows everyday in our actions. We are not proactive when it comes to young men, specifically young black men. We are more reactive and often inactive. The reason why there are a lot of people who are so reactive, is because being proactive about young black males is often thought of as being dull and not entertaining enough. People believe that being reactive is more exciting, they march, they go to counseling and search for reasoning as to why the rebellious act was committed, and they get on the news and state things such as "I can't believe he would do this, he was such a good kid." Why not be proactive so that a rebellious act won't occur? why not gain knowledge about the mental mindset of young men? Why not get on the news and honor that "good kid" who is doing right? But if young males are the subject matter of conversations around the country daily, how can being proactive about them not be exciting?

I have come across many people while selling and marketing my book. One of the major misunderstandings that people have about my book is that it is about a subject matter that is constantly being discussed, a jaded one. There have been many books written about the struggles of young men, and majority of those books preach an solution, but my book is different. The subject of the struggles of young men is often written about, but the material in my book isn't. Here's why, if the material in my book was the topic of discussion or previously written about, majority of those conversations that happen wouldn't have room to exist.

What is 'Tug of Conflict' about? Tug of Conflict is not a book of solutions, although I have some listed in the book for young men. The book was created to provide knowledge and understanding to those who are associated with young men, whether their a relative, teacher, mentor, neighbor, or have any association (We all do in some way.) Tug of Conflict was not written for a specific race. There are chapters in the book that relates to all races of young men. It is not referring to the young men who are already rebelling, however it is referring to the young men who are on the edge. Honestly, there are very few ways to tell if a young man is on the edge of venturing over into the rebellious lifestyle, and the reason why is because its a mental battle, meaning that it takes place inside the mind and it is often silent. Therefore, if you do not have knowledge or understanding, you are lost just like those young men. It is very difficult for lost people to help others who are lost. Once again, the only solution to overcoming these battles is the individual, but just remember there is always a need for support and understanding when finding a solution. Do you really care about young males? Better yet, do you know it all? This book is a must read for everyone!

Tug of Conflict

Available online on Amazon and Barnes n Noble

To Purchase the book visit the Tug of Conflict website or click one of the two links below:

Click Here To Purchase Tug of Conflict From Amazon

Click Here To Purchase Tug of Conflict From Barnes N Noble

Also available at: www.tugofconflict.com

Darnell R. Mckinnon