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Avoiding Nonchalant Mates

Ah! It feels good to be back blogging. I took about 2 weeks off after I finished the marriage material series. I had other business to attend to. But now I am back. It's interesting, because recently I was having a discussion with a woman and she asked me if I write to inform people that are unaware or do I do it for everyone. My response was that I write to inform people that may not be aware. One thing about writing is it's free, in reference to freedom of speech. I believe when people critique writers on writing material that they already heard; it's kind of a dis to the writer. I'm a strong believer that no idea is original, so most things that you read will be regurgitated material, especially if you're a well informed individual. To be specific, a lot of the current self-help books stem from books such as "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz, "Think and grow rich" by Napoleon Hill and "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. However, since everyone has not read those books, other writers come out with similar material to "share" with and educate their reader base. I believe as writers, it's not our job to invent new ideas and be all exclusive with material every time we write. Our goal is to affect, inform, and share information with people, whether it's 3 or 3,000,000 people. So, if you're already informed on the things that I discuss in my books and blog, props to you. However, keep an open mind because you still may learn something new. Like I always said, if I know something that can benefit others, I am going to get it off of my chest and share it the best way that I can; writing.


Nonchalant


I'm guilty of this and I'm quite sure that you may be guilty of it as well. We all may have been nonchalant towards someone at some point in our lives. People that follow my blog should know that I believe that the blueprint to having a successful relationship is finding a mate that you can build with towards a common goal. In dating, one type of person that you should avoid when it comes to finding a mate to build with is someone that displays nonchalant behavior in reference to you. Nonchalant is a sign of someone having a lack of investment in you. Whether that investment is passion, attraction, interest, desire, or love. When a person is nonchalant towards you, it should instantly raise a flag in your mind. Now if you just met someone, they may come off as being nonchalant towards you because they don't know you that well and it takes time for most people to open up to others emotionally. They usually have to build some form of trust first. But, if that person continues to display nonchalant behavior towards you after weeks have went by, then you should be very alarmed.


The unfortunate thing with some human beings is that they tend to be attracted to those that display nonchalant behavior towards them. The more they ignore you, the more you desire them. If they show you that they're not really interested in you it touches you somewhere inside to the point that you're willing to do anything to garner their full interest. More than likely it won't happen. This is how people get used in relationships. They deal with people that have no equal interest in them and therefore they're constantly chasing that person's affection, love, and interest by constantly providing sex, purchasing gifts, or doing favors for them without receiving anything in return.


As stated above, when someone is nonchalant towards you, it's usually because of a lack of investment. Some people are not over their ex mate and therefore they can't fully invest their positive emotional energy such as love and passion because some of that energy still is directed towards their feelings for their ex. The lack of positive energy being invested can also be caused by that person dating other people while dating you, so therefore they lack an investment of interest in you. For some, they may not be attracted to you whether it's physically, mentally, or both, so therefore they lack an investment of attraction and desire for you. While others are waiting for you to invest more in them than they're willing to invest in you. One problem with relationships these days is that men and women no longer desire to invest in each other equally. Some women want a "sponsor" and a hero and some men want a "groupie" or slave. You cannot build towards a common goal if the two of you are not equally investing the same amount of love, energy, desire, interest, and determination to reach that goal, unless that goal is breaking up.


When you're thinking of things that you desire in a mate, make sure that you think of a mate that possess empathy towards you. Make sure you share the same characteristic. If not, building towards a successful relationship will be a waste of your time. If someone is nonchalant towards you after the two of you have gotten to know each other, cancel them as relationship potential. It's nearly impossible to build if both partners aren't equally investing.




Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 4)- Are You Responsible?

What's up people? I took a little time off from Part 3 of the "Wife Material 101" series and even did some blogs in between, but now I'm back. I want to address a couple of things before I get into Part 4. One, my writing is not for everyone. I don't expect everyone to like or agree with what I write. Everyone is not going to like my views and opinions on certain topics. I don't mind people opposing what I write either, because that's part of being a writer. It doesn't make them wrong nor does it make me wrong. As stated in a previous blog, we all come from different backgrounds and environments so we share different opinions on different topics. The next thing that I want to address is the question of why I don't write about husband material. Well my reason is because men are the ones that choose a woman to be their wife, not the other way around. Sure a woman chooses which man she wants to date and of course she has to say "yes" to him for a marriage to take place. But, the man has to pop the question. Well at least he should.

Wife Material 101 (Part 4)

Are You Responsible?


That's right! One major thing that men look for in women is responsibility. "Is she responsible?" Women that are responsible are like magnets to men. The word responsible stretches a long way, but I am mainly referring to having stability and consistency with your decision making. Part One of the series comes back into play here, because in Part One I discussed how a woman's past relationships are her resume. If you weren't responsible in your past, some guys may see it as a negative, but some may see that you have potential despite your previous mishaps, depending on if you've changed and the woman that you currently are. When it comes to responsibility, women are either going to be a asset or a liability. If you're not responsible, you're not going to be viewed by men as an asset. Although some men may downplay how responsible a woman is; it's very important.

Are you responsible in reference to finances?

Men are very aware that most women love to shop. We don't have an issue with women that love to shop. However, we do have an issue with women that love to shop with the money that was meant for bills and other important expenses. Being able to handle money the correct way is very important. You will either diffuse or ignite a lot of potential arguments and debates with your mate by being responsible with money.

Are you responsible in reference to having a family?

In today's society, some men decide to have children purposely with women that they don't desire, nor see themselves being in a relationship with. To each it's own. But I'm not referring to those men in this post. Some women already have kids. Some people may look at it as a negative for those women, but it's actually a positive for some. If a woman already has a kid(s), and she takes care of herself well physically and mentally, as well her kid(s), she'll be viewed as responsible, which is part of being viewed as wife material. If she doesn't take good care of herself or her child, she'll be looked at as irresponsible. There are a lot of single parent women who attract men because of how responsible they are in reference to themselves and their kid(s).

Some men prefer women that don't have any kids. They want to start off their family fresh and share their kid(s) with one woman. These men are paying attention to how a woman behaves around other kids, how well she takes care of herself physically and mentally, if she takes good care of her belongs, and if she's potential mother to be the mother of their future kid(s). These men want to know are you capable of being a good mother to their future offspring. If not, you will not be looked at as wife material by them. Most men has to see you as the potential mother of their child before they can see you being their wife.

Upkeep

How are your upkeep skills at home? Can you cook food that's not fast or microwaved? Do you know how to iron and wash clothes? Do you know how to clean your home? How responsible are you with maintaining a home? Times have changed in society and some roles have been reversed. Some people believe men should take care of the heavy duty work around the house and some believe women should take care of the light work such as cleaning, cooking, and other things of that nature. Some people believe that all task should be shared and alternated between both partners. Whatever your believe is, knowing how all of the above mentioned (questions) makes you more marketable to most men. I don't expect your husband to ask you to get on the roof and fix things around the house, but the more you're skilled home upkeep and the light duties, the better.

In the end, I could have made this series out to be a book. It's so much more to discuss when it comes to a woman being wife material. I have received a lot of feedback, positive and negative in reference to this series. I don't know the mindset of every man or woman, but one thing I do know is how the majority think. Some people told me that this blog series was useless because people aren't getting married anymore. I beg to differ for two reasons, the first is because it's a blog and it's free and the second is because I am seeing a lot of women that I know personally and through association getting engaged every day. Now unless these women are lying, then this blog series is valuable to some people out there. If a woman is currently engaged, but their mates are procrastinating with choosing a wedding date, I suppose this blog can and will come in handy for them. As stated, if you relate to it, enjoy it!

*Click here to read Part 3*

Darnell R. Mckinnon

The Microwave Mate

Welcome back! I'm going to do Part 4 of the Wife Material 101 series after this blog post. I decided to do another blog in between Part's 3 and 4. But anyways, the Spring is right around the corner, well at least where I'm at it is. We are going to witness a lot of breakups and a lot of hookups. I remember I made a comment about Spring being the end of cuffing (relationship) season and some people reacted as if I was specifically referring to their relationship. Breakups after the Winter time happen every year; it's nothing new. This blog is for the people that may be considering being in a relationship right now or during the Spring. People always ask me why I don't write about being single instead of being in a relationship, and I respond by telling them that the solution for being happy and single is not as difficult to discover. I truly hope you get something out of this post, even if it's only a specimen. The Microwave Mate I know some of you probably read the title of the post and wondered what is it going to be about. Well, the title is strictly based on present society. A lot of people today thrive off of instant gratification. They want everything that involves them to be developed fast, whether it's food, growth, results, and even relationships. The term "The Microwave Mate" is referring to people that want their relationship with their present or future mate to develop faster than expected. The big issue is that expediting successful relationships rarely happens. The beginning of a relationship is pivotal. It is known by many as the "Honeymoon stage." The beginning of the relationship is also dangerous. I often tell people that most unsuccessful relationships were destroyed in the beginning and they look at me like I'm crazy. Some people consider the period prior to the relationship as the most important in the relationship, but it's not. Here's why the beginning is so important. The beginning of a relationship is a great feeling and high for most couples. This is the time when you hear couples stating how happy they are, how he or she is the one, and other things of that nature. In the beginning of the relationship, the stimulation and gratification is usually instant. Everything seems to click. Since things are usually going so well during the beginning of the relationship, both individuals sometimes let their guards down and raise their expectations. Nothings wrong with feeling good and being happy, but lowering your guard and raising expectations sometimes creates a problem that often sneaks into.... The stage after the Honeymoon period. Many couples do not survive past this point and part of the reason why is because the beginning of the relationship spoils them into expecting everything to still come very easy and instant in reference to the relationship. After the beginning of a relationship, smokescreens disappear and your mate's flaws become more obvious. You begin to see your mate for who they truly are. It becomes more difficult to achieve the "happy high" and gratification that was present in the beginning of the relationship. This is the time when couples expect the development of their relationship to be expedited and they simply expect too much out of their partner too fast. This also is when both individuals begin to compare their differences in wants, needs, and expectations. It often creates conflict between both individuals and arguments usually happen as a result of the conflict. You cannot avoid differences between two individuals because we all come from different upbringings, environments, and share different opinions. There will be trying times during the post-honeymoon stage. Your mate will reveal some characteristics that may be a turnoff to you. If you expect your mate to turn into your husband or wife directly after the beginning stage, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Post-honeymoon stage usually catches some people off guard, because they still expect things to progress quicker because of the high from the beginning of the relationship. They might begin to question the relationship, which eventually leads to ending it. When it comes to relationships, do not dwell on the instant gratification and highs that take place during the beginning. Instant gratification usually provides great stimulation on the front-end of things, but on the back-end that stimulation is not as satisfying. Your Mr./Mrs. Right is not going to become "that" overnight. Even couples that fall in love fast or get married fast have to grow and develop into Mr./Mrs. Right for each other. Any successful couple will tell you that their successful relationship is a result of hard work. The purpose of a relationship is to build and if you're building something, you're doing it because you at least expect it to last. People wouldn't invest their time in a relationship if they didn't want it to last. The best piece of advice that I can provide for people that are considering relationships is to keep in mind that a long-lasting prosperous relationship takes hard work and time to develop and grow. The word "work" and "grow" means the complete opposite of instant. Use the beginning of the relationship to establish and develop a plan for it, don't get too caught up in the "highs" because hard work will be needed shortly after. Darnell R. Mckinnon

If We (men) Don't Call on the Next Day or Two, it Does Not Mean We're Not Interested

There are so many myths that are out there in the world of dating. One of the biggest myths is if a man doesn't call or contact a woman on the same or next day after receiving her contact info, he's not interested. That's a lie! Most of the men that I associate or have associated with have a rule. Actually the rule is common amongst most men. That rule is to not call or contact a woman on or the day after receiving her contact info. The reason is to protect us from looking desperate. Some women see may see that as stupid, but many of us men look at this as a possible deal breaker. You don't want to come off as desperate to a woman. Most guys like to wait at least 2-3 days before contacting a woman for the first time after the initial contact. There are some exceptions to the rule. Depending on circumstances, a man might contact a woman on the day that he received her contact info or the next day. If a woman asks a man to call on a specific date and time, if he's interested he'll contact her at the given time if he's available.

Women can miss out on a good man by believing that he's not interested if he doesn't contact her the same or next day after receiving her info. Ladies, just think of how many men you shoved to the side because they didn't call you the same or next day. I know some women personally that are very critical with this. If the guy doesn't contact them on the same day as receiving their contact info, he's canceled out.

Here's the conflict. When we initially approach a woman, we only have a few things to help us. 1.) Her looks (attraction) and 2.) The conversation that we had prior to receiving her contact info. In other words, we don't know you that well. Depending on the man, if he's the take care of business and goal driven type, his time may be preoccupied. Every man is not out being "Goldie the Pimp" in their spare time. That's also another myth. Just because a man is busy doesn't mean his time is occupied with another woman. There are some men that have hobbies, goals to accomplish, and other responsibilities that may occupy their time. Don't forget ladies, you're new to him and just like he has to prove that he's worth your time, you have to do the same for him.

Once he finally contacts you, do not have a bad attitude if he didn't call you within the first two days of receiving your contact information. That's a great way to miss out on a potentially good man.

Some women consider a man who contacts them within those first two days a turnoff. On the other hand, some consider him to be uninterested in her. The latter could be false. He may be applying the 2-3 day rule or he may just be occupied taking care of business. The "he'll make time for me if he's really interested" way of thinking is a set up. The two of you really haven't established anything for him to cancel other important events in his life for you. You are a woman that he barely knows anything about. You have to give us a little leeway ladies.

If a man doesn't contact you at all, that's how you'll know that he's not interested in you at all.


Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 3)

Welcome back to the Wife Material 101 series. After Part 2, some women hit me up in my inbox on Facebook and stated that a woman has to get sleeping around with a lot of men out of her system before she gets married, similar to men. That's false in my opinion. Women have to get the desire for attention from different men out of their system, but sex is on another level. I'm sorry women, but it's a double standard. Some men have emailed me and stated that they don't care what a woman brings to the table, as long as she looks good. I even had some women email me and state that they know some men that have married women who had a rough history in reference to sex partners. I'm not speaking on the average Joe Blow or men with low standards. For the average man with no standards or appreciation of value, wife material equals great looks and ONLY great looks. I'm referring to men who have standards and that desire women with more elements than looking good and good sex.


In Part 2 of the series I left off at proving that being monogamous is something that a woman desires and have mastered. That's very important because no (smart) man wants to be married to a woman that's sleeping around with other men. In Part 3, I'm going to start off with "Attitude" and it's importance. Attitude is a definite deal maker or breaker and I'm going to explain why.


3.) Attitude


Attitude is vital because it will make or break a woman in reference to a man choosing her to be his wife goes. A woman with a positive attitude trumps a woman with a negative attitude ANY DAY. I don't care if a woman is Miss America, if she has a negative attitude most men that value themselves and their time will not stay around for long. It's true, as men we give women that have their stuff together (Looks, finances, intelligence) a pass. However, the pass will eventually expire if her attitude continues to be negative. We are talking marriage, so an expiring attitude will probably not lead a woman to marriage, and if it does it will lead her to divorce quickly.

I often hear some women state that they want a man that likes women with a little attitude. Let me explain, men like women with attitude, but not a combativeness. We have been tricked into believing that the word "attitude" means acting dramatic and combative, but it's really about your mental state. You don't have to be negative minded and edgy in order to have attitude. Displaying confidence with a positive mindset is having attitude. It's very difficult to even grasp the thought of being in a long term relationship with a woman that has a negative mindset.

Let's talk basics. If a woman has a negative mindset in reference to men and life, how is the relationship expected to progress and prosper? I believe that the only way to have a successful relationship is to build, together. Negative equals subtracting in math and in life. Now if there's two negative minded people, the relationship is definitely doomed. If any negativity is present in either partner's mindset, it will constantly subtract from the building blocks that supports your relationship.

On the other hand, a positive attitude works wonders. If you're a woman with a positive attitude, you WILL get married if you want to. There's no doubt in my mind that men love women with positive vibes and attitudes. It enhances conversations, it raises our comfort level with confiding in you, and it makes us look forward to talking to you and being in your presence. It's a breath of fresh air. The problem for some women is their positive attitude is only present in the beginning stages of getting to know a man and then the positivity disappears once her comfort level rises. This is where having a positive attitude is beneficial. When it's organic, it won't disappear because it's part of who you are. When it's artificial, your positive attitude will disappear the more familiar you become with a man. A woman with a positive attitude raises a man's comfort level. She's the type of woman that men brag to their friends about. Believe me, I know this and it happens often.

When a woman has a positive attitude, other things in her life are usually in pretty good shape as well. Her work ethic, faith, determination, and value are pretty good as well. The Law of attraction is real and people that think positive attract good things into their lives, including mates. If you want to marry a good man, keep a positive attitude and focus on being a good woman. It works like magic!

*Click here to check out Part 2*

There's a Part 4 to this series and it will also be #4 under "Carry yourself like you're wife material."



Darnell R. Mckinnon

Wife Material 101 (Part 2)

Welcome back to the "Wife Material 101" series. After the first part of this series, some women hit me up and asked me, "who are you to tell women what they should do in order to be considered wife material?" My response was, "A bachelor that knows what other men as well as myself look for in a wife." Look! You don't have to be some "expert" in order to share knowledge with women concerning what most men with common sense and a sense of self-worth look for in a wife. You don't have to be married either. The married men are not checking for single women anyways. Well...at least they shouldn't be. Show me a expert or teacher who has a flawless past with relationships and I'll show you a lie. We all can learn from each other, no titles needed.



On part 1, I left off on aiming to be more than a man's girlfriend in order for him to consider you as wife material. Sometimes women sell themselves short by trying too hard to avoid being a man's "sex only" partner and they forget about the bigger task at hand. Let's face it, some women do not want to get married, but most do. Some may not be ready for marriage due to focusing on upgrading their own lives and some have so many other things going on in their lives that they haven't even given marriage or relationships a thought. With that being said, I'm going to start off this post with "Carry yourself like you're wife material."


Carry yourself like you're wife material

In reference to the title above, I'm not stating that you should walk around stating "I'm wife material" with your nose high up in the air. No man wants a woman that has to constantly state that she's wife material. That's similar to a man walking around stating that he's financially wealthy. What I am referring to is behaving like you deserve to be a man's wife. Too many times as men, we come across women that talk the talk, but don't walk the walk. For a lot of men, one of the biggest turnoffs is a woman that constantly states her value, but rarely shows it. Men don't care if you state you're a dime, that your goods are better than the next woman's, you are the sh**, or that no other woman is on your level. We don't care! What we do care about is you showing those things without having to mention them. Visible confidence is so much better than verbal confidence.

I am going to list and explain some ways that you can carry yourself like you're wife material below.



1.) Show your worth

Anyone that has my book "The L Factor" knows that I'm big on a woman knowing her worth. A woman that knows her worth is very attractive to any man, but a woman that actually shows it is even more attractive. Like I stated above, it has to be visible, not just verbal. The way a man treats a woman will be a reflection of the way that she carries herself. The term "you finish how you start" holds weight, especially in the dating world. For example, I was having a conversation with a female acquaintance the other day and she was stating that a man determines whether a woman will be a his "sex only" partner or not. I corrected her and stated that it's the woman that determines it.

Let's say that a woman and a man starts having sexual relations without being in an exclusive relationship together. After the first week or so, the woman should know whether she's going to be in a relationship with that man or not. It's intuition and vibes, and they never lie. I can go deep into this, but it's another blog post. If you present yourself like you're more than a "sex only" partner, you will be treated like it. If not, you will move away from that situation because of knowing your worth. Now, that's not simple either, because some females refrain from sex for months in order to keep the man interested in pursuing a relationship with her. This sometimes backfires and runs some men that may very have been interested in them away. Just because a man left because you didn't want to have sex with him, it does not make him a bad guy or less of a quality mate. That's a common myth that has been circulating. More often than not, refraining from sex with a man for long periods of time doesn't work because most men determine if they consider you as relationship material within the first couple of conversations.




2.) Prove that being monogamous is something that you desire and have mastered

Let's be honest, men love women that are loyal. When a man has a woman that's faithful, he takes pride in that and her. If she had previous relationships where she was the opposite of loyal, it instantly raises a red flag.


Some women often consider themselves wife material, but they're either unfaithful to their current mate or simply not capable of being faithful at all. Excuse my language, but you can't be slutty wife material. That's an oxymoron. Well, actually you can, but no man with common sense and a sense of self-worth is going to want to marry a woman that has been around the block and city with John, Jim, and Hank.

If you're single, there's two sure ways that you can show that you have mastered being monogamous in relationships and those are your resume (refer back to part 1) and the way you handle dating as a single woman. Some women look at being single as a gateway to get sex from multiple guys in the same time frame and simply state "I do it because I'm single" when questioned about it. Other women look at being single as an opportunity to get to know men and maybe engage in sex with one of the men consistently. While others don't engage in sex at all. Men are aware that some women use being single as an excuse for having multiple sex partners.

Now women, if your plan is to be single and engage in sex ONLY with no relationship on the horizon, then enjoy yourself. However, if you're looking for a mate and potential husband, having multiple sex partners as a single woman will eventually ruin your chances. If a man is considering you as serious potential for a girlfriend and future wife, he will not approve of you having sex with multiple partners, even if you are single. Some guys don't mind, but I'm sure those guys are not interested in making you their mate or wife in the future either.

I will leave off at #3 for Part 3 of this series.

*Click here to read Part 1*

Darnell R. Mckinnon